Have you ever watched a series and wondered why a certain character continues to be in the episodes, that character that serves no purpose and is just a waste of space and attention? Well, that character is me.
I’m not writing this to gain any sympathy, compassion, understanding, or the like- because I truly don’t deserve any of that. I’m writing to tell you the truth, that I am, in every sense of the word, worthless. Yes, my bipolar is behind this all, but I’ve realized that bipolar is just trying to weed out a bad one (me) from the good. I’m not writing this from a state of self pity- that would imply that I’m worth something, that I deserve to be happy, which I truly don’t. This is my permanent, accurate state of self loathing and just trying to do the right thing by sparing you from my presence. I’ve realized that no matter how much I accomplish in life, no matter how many people I help, it won’t change the fact I’m a monster and a burden to everyone I come in contact with.
Do not worry about me taking my life, I’m not worth your time or your prayers. I wouldn’t do such a thing because it would be selfish and just be a greater disappointment and burden to my family. So I’m telling you this because I don’t know if I’ll ever be back here, and I’m not worth you worrying or wondering where I went. I’m just being upfront and telling you honestly that I’m not even worthy of a thought in your head. This doesn’t change how much I’ve truly appreciated the generous support and kindness I’ve received from everyone here. But, I was never truly deserving of it, and so I’m leaving to save your time and energy. I considered keeping this ugly truth to myself, but it would be greedy to allow you to think I’m something I’m not.
I have no place being in your life. If I ever do return, it will be once I’m “well,” but what’s really the point of stringing you along with me further? I send you my love, for what it’s worth, and my sincere wishes and hopes for your happiness, peace, and success.
*If for some reason you’re unwilling to believe this, please just trust me and don’t offer any sympathy, empathy, compassion, or anything else I don’t deserve. Don’t waste your time leaving a comment, and don’t waste your time un-following me because I doubt I’ll comeback. Please don’t waste your time trying to comfort me or convince me otherwise. I know the truth, and I won’t be looking at any comments that are left because I don’t deserve to be comforted or made to feel that I’m anything more than the utter waste of space I am. Heeding my warning doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s doing yourself a favor. Thank you, and I truly and sorry.