En Gedi

Happy Friday to you! I’m so excited to finally publish this lyrical poem. Over a month ago, I was challenged by a fellow Friday Fictioneer, Kent Bonham, to write a poem, based on a love story that took place at the oasis, called En Gedi. Furthermore, Kent sent me a link to a song titled “En Gedi,” whose tune I had to match with my lyrics. First off, I was (and still am) sincerely honored that Kent thought I had enough potential and skill to pull this off. It meant the world to me to be taken seriously as a writer and to be challenged to further develop my skills. However, with this honor, there was a significant amount of stress. First off, I didn’t want to disappoint Kent and humiliate myself with subpar writing. Secondly, if you’ve read my “Please Forgive Me” posts, you’ll know that May was one hell of a month for trauma and stress, so even after it all settled down, it took me some time to clear my head and get back in the game. They say, “Better late than never,” right?
So I really do hope you give this a read, and your feedback is always appreciated.
***But wait, there’s more! I’ve included the link for you to actually download the song from which this was inspired. So I strongly urge you to listen along with the poem, so you can get the full experience! 🙂

En Gedi

En Gedi
Once I saw your emerald eyes across the way,
What I knew as life had dulled beneath your shine.
Your melody made it impossible,
To leave this world without your hand in mine.

And when you spoke, each sacred word I cherished,
Fearing someday that’s all I’d have of you.
For En Gedi was all that would endure,
After hearts drowned in dead seas of blue.

En Gedi, En Gedi, an oasis of eternal love.
En Gedi En Gedi, where my angel graced before she rose above.

En Gedi, En Gedi, had I known what the waters foretold,
I would give my life for her to blossom old.
I would give my life for her to blossom old.

Days are long and bereft of any purpose.
All that remains are the dark tides of regret.
Footprints of your life, stolen by time’s greed.
Your pure essence, I refuse to forget.

The ocean holds all the tears I’ve shed for you,
And En Gedi weeps for you as well.
There’s slight comfort, knowing you’re in heaven.
My despair has nearly damned me straight to hell.

En Gedi, En Gedi, it gave life to us, then seized it back.
En Gedi, En Gedi, it drained color from my heart and turned it black.

En Gedi, En Gedi, had I known what the waters foretold,
My love would still be mine to have and to hold.
My love would still be mine to have and to hold.

Thank you so much for reading this, and I really hope it wasn’t too much of a disaster, being that I’m a poetry novice. It’s ridiculous how many times I’ve rewritten this, completely from scratch, before I came up with something I was finally satisfied with.
A special thanks to Kent, for believing in me and giving me the opportunity to better recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I apologize that my personal issues and perfectionism led to a bit of procrastination, and I hope I didn’t stray too far from the original story. This is just where the multiple attempts led me- What a journey this has been!

My deepest gratitude,

Adelie

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20 thoughts on “En Gedi

  1. Whoa … I have tears in my eyes REALLY! it is SOOOO beautiful, Adelie!!! You not only answered the challenge you gave it wings!!! I’m not lying … this is STELLAR! You see, there’s also a very personal story behind this as well.

    Thank-you THANK-YOU! I’m sending this to Rochelle. She’ll LOVE it! SEVEN gold Stars!
    🙂 🙂

    Like

    • THANK YOU, Kent! Your praise just, wow. I can’t even articulate how much your words mean to me, as I have the highest regard for you and your writing. And I was so worried I would let you down!
      Once again, I sincerely appreciate you taking the extra time to challenge and help me. You’ll never know how much you’ve inspired me. Also, I truly appreciate you sharing this with Rochelle! 😀

      Like

  2. OK, Adelie,

    It’s time for another challenge. You ready?

    Not much of a prompt here, except the title, “Beyond The Shadow Of Today” composed by TV and film and jazz composer Lalo Schifrin. It’s a short piece, about two minutes and very repetitive. It’s a tune that made its first appearance on Mission: Impossible and Mannix. Schifrin composed music for both series in the late 1960’s … and yes, he is the composer of the theme for Mission: Impossible. Pretty cool, huh?

    So far, I haven’t been able to locate lyrics to this song, although I would have thought lyrics had been written for it. So, either no one’s posted them on-line or they just aren’t there. However, my feeling is the title belongs in the lyrics at the conclusion of the song before it repeats and when it finishes completely. You know, ” … beyoooond, the SHA-dow OF to-DAY” Make sense?

    So … what comes to mind when you read the title? I see it as how much love a girl has for her guy. Start there.

    Enclosed is the dropbox address.

    ++++++++

    [audio src="https://www.dropbox.com/s/skl5hh4a51cy0xa/07%20Beyond%20The%20Shadow%20Of%20Today.m4a" /]

    ++++++++

    Now, as to En Gedi, I went over it a few times. Marvelous! But, like all our stories, it could use some re-writing. Basically, it’s problematic in terms of musicality, rhythms, etc. I was a music major, I’ll help you get there.

    The goal of a ballad should be to let us feel the character’s feelings, know the character’s thoughts, etc. You did well with En Gedi, but also wording should always be handled delicately. The words and phrases need to be softer, easy to sing, almost conversational.

    I really can’t describe it, so I’m including an Irish ballad from the movie The Quiet Man. As you listen, notice how there are no harsh phrases or words that sound like they “crunch” when you say them. It has some Irish linguistic patterns there and a beautiful, lilting melody. What’s more, though, the song expresses a deep desire — the desire to go home. It’s universal and it plays very well with feelings.

    Should you re-write En Gedi, let this song, “Isle of Innisfree” be your guide as to how feelings are projected in the words expressed. In En Gedi’s case, lost love.

    The lyrics —

    +++++

    I’ve met some folks who say that I’m a dreamer
    And I’ve no doubt there’s truth in what they say
    But sure a body’s bound to be a dreamer
    When all the things he loves are far away
    And precious things are dreams unto an exile
    They take him o’er the land across the sea
    Especially when it happens he’s an exile
    From that dear lovely Isle of Innisfree

    And when the moonlight beams across the rooftops
    Of this great city, wondrous though it be
    I scarcely feel its wonder or its laughter
    I’m once again, back home in Innisfree

    I wander o’er green hills through dreamy valleys
    And find a peace no other land could know
    I hear the birds make music fit for angels
    And watch the rivers laughing as they flow

    But dreams don’t last
    Though dreams are not forgotten
    And soon I’m back to stern reality
    But, though they pave the footways here with gold dust
    I still would choose me Isle of Innisfree

    [audio src="https://www.dropbox.com/s/et30hyborroh1i8/09%20The%20Isle%20Of%20Innisfree.m4a" /]

    ++++
    Aren’t those great lyrics?

    I also want to recommend to you a terrific resource called If They Ask You, You Can Write A Song by Al Kasha and Joel Hirschhorn. They are Oscar-winning songwriters. The book was written in 1979 and updated in 2001, but the section on writing lyrics is awesome. But, read the whole book. You’ll get an understanding of how songs work musically and lyrically. You can order it from Amazon.

    Have fun with this, will ya? 😉

    Enjoy!

    Kent

    Like

    • Hello, Kent!

      I’m honored that you’ve taken the time and effort to provide me with yet another challenge! I also appreciate the constructive criticism, as I’m always looking to improve my work and highly value your advice. I’m excited to undertake this new challenge, though I must warn you that my spare time is tied up with getting everything in order for my sister’s wedding in a couple of weeks. However, I will be working on this challenge intermittently, and I will let you know when I have questions and when I believe I’ve written something decent! Thank you so much, and I will keep in touch! 🙂

      Adelie

      Like

      • Hey, Adelie,

        Don’t you worry. any You’ll do it when you have the time. In fact, I find that taking time for other things clears the cobwebs because, most certainly, I, don’t want to spend all my days slumped over a computer.

        Keep going! have fun at Sis’ wedding!

        Kent

        Like

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