My Lifeline

This week’s writing challenge focuses on “Writerly Reflections.” Being that my last post was rather gargantuan, I’m attempting to keep this one brief.

A significant moment in my journey as a writer occurred in my senior year A.P. English class. I was assigned to write a descriptive story, three pages of length that involved all of the senses (smell, sight, touch, sound, and taste). This was the first assigned paper where I felt completely free to express myself, unrestrained by specific guidelines. This story was “Trixie Creek,” a narrative about a girl’s dog being shot in the woods and her fight to save its life. Long story short, the poor dog died but in a very dignified and beautiful way.

When I read it aloud in class, several of my classmates actually cried. In a completely non-sadistic way, I felt empowered that my writing could have such an impact. Throughout the day, other peers who weren’t in that class came up to me, wanting to read my story. I was in utter disbelief that people would actually ask to read my writing. The icing on the cake that day was when my English teacher, a very intelligent and intimidating woman, pulled me aside in the hallway.

This is book-worthy. You should really consider writing a book.”

With that, she left.

Since then, her words have echoed in my mind. The thing is, I know she didn’t say it to make me feel warm and fuzzy. She definitely had her favorites, and undoubtedly, I wasn’t one of them.

Several years later, I had a severe manic episode that nearly destroyed every part of my life. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I just sat down one day and started writing. What started as a method of coping quickly turned in to a story that wasn’t about me whatsoever. Whenever I wasn’t sleeping or working, I was writing. I had no idea where it was going, but I knew I couldn’t stop. As my health improved, the story unfolded more beautifully.

I’m still fascinated by the twists and somersaults my story has taken while transforming into something completely different than I had once imagined. Throughout this process, I’ve discovered that inspiration often comes at the least expected moments. I’ve learned that I can’t push or force myself to develop the story, and to never judge or reject the concepts that come from my soul. It is when I write that I am most alive and connected with my spirit.

Nearly one year ago, I wrote the last sentence of my first book. (I won’t say I “completed” it because I’m certainly nowhere close to being finished with it). Since then, I’ve been reluctant to take further steps in developing my book. One reason being that I’ve felt completely lost and intimidated by the process of editing, revising, marketing, publishing, etc. Though it has taken some intensive soul-searching, I’ve realized the main force holding myself back is the fear of rejection. I’ve read failure stories left and right, and I don’t have the egotism to delude myself into thinking I’m an exception to the norm.

While perusing several writing resources, I read that one of the best platforms for aspiring authors is blogging. I resisted this on the basis that there was no possibility anyone would care to read my about my thoughts, goals, and passions. However, it is my dream to change the world with my writing, and knowing that my book was far from seeing the world, I reconsidered the prospect of blogging, as it could potentially be a more immediate way to make a difference.

Then I thought, “How can I create a blog that will actually bring value to my readers?”

I sincerely believe that we all have something to teach one another. Being that I’ve read numerous self-help books on achievement, motivation, and inspiration, I reasoned that I would have at least some content that might benefit my readers. Another aspect of my intention was to promote a connection with readers, in which we were able to empower each other.

After blogging for just over one month, I’ve already met such remarkable people and found several resources to further develop my skills as a writer. I’ve gained so much support and encouragement from people whom I deeply admire, and I strive to return all they have blessed me with. To be accepted and supported unconditionally restores my faith in humanity. Where I live, my outlook on life is considered unrealistic and a waste of time. Though, I’ve met such amazing people here that prove to me that anything is possible. I love you all.

With gratitude and respect,

Adelie

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28 thoughts on “My Lifeline

  1. Pingback: Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | siobhanmcnamara

  2. Adelie, I read this and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I feel so similar about so many of the same things, in regards to writing, that you do. 🙂 I have never considered myself a “real” writer. Until my correspondence with you honestly and until I was in a community, ironically enough a blogging community, with all types of people with varying degrees of thoughts and talent. I would love to read that story you wrote in A.P. english. 🙂 Also I was going to skip this weeks writing challenge, bc i was feeling uncertain but after I read yours I plan to get right to it.

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    • Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts. It’s amazing how easily you can connect to your talents and your passions once you find a community that supports and encourages it! I was almost going to pass up this week’s challenge as well, being that I didn’t think anyone would really want to read it. Though, knowing it struck a chord with you shows me that I made the right decision. I think that’s what’s great about this place; we encourage others to give it their best! I look forward to reading your post! 😀

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  6. As I read your words, I am struck by how our own thoughts continue to hold us back from our own great potential. And then I start to wonder if our “mean voice” is really someone else’s “recycled” voice ringing in our ears (parents? siblings? teachers?) or does it truly, organically arise from our own self esteem or lack thereof? And I’m speaking about myself here, but certain phrasings in your post triggered me. In my case, my parents, grandparents and all teachers praised me HIGHLY so I have no idea where the “I’m gonna fail” voice stems from. Yet for as long as I’ve been a grown up (age 18) I live in fear that I will be found out to be “a fraud.” Sort of like a little girl playing dress-up in her mother’s clothes or something. It’s hard to explain but I wonder if any of what I’m saying makes sense. Okay, enough rambling. Will you post “Trixie Creek” at some point? It sounds like it’s very raw, gritty, real-life writing and I would very much like to read it.

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    • Oh my goodness. I’m so lucky that you read my posts and expand upon my writing, as you are considerably more articulate in conveying the meaning and showing wider application. I really enjoy you questioning the “recycled voice” and the source of self-doubt. Perhaps your negative self talk was actually motivated by the fact that you received so much praise. Maybe you identified so much with perfection that you were afraid to make a simple mistake because it might disappoint those who had previously acknowledged accomplishments. Maybe it went even deeper as “If I’m not perfect, then who am I and why would anyone care about me?”
      This is merely speculation, as there are always unique circumstances. Though, I thought I’d mention it, because I never understood my drive toward perfection until I did some serious self-reflection. It’s possible that it may be tied to an irrational societal standard. Anymore, it seems things are so competitive that we sometimes take extreme measures to stand out from the crowd…and if you make one slip-up, your chances of success are significantly diminished. It’s almost like an all-or-nothing principle. Such as, it’s better to play it safe and lay low, than to make it big and subject yourself to public scrutiny.
      I just love your thoughtful and insightful input. As always, it is very enlightening, and I love when I read that we have yet another thing in common!
      Thanks for the interest in “Trixie Creek!” I found it on an old flash drive last night, and I just might post it because you said so. 😀

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  9. I hope that blogging gives you that little push to publish… You write with such honesty and passion that I would definitely love to read so much more from you! Thanks for sharing your love of life and writing!

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    • Gisela,
      Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to leave such a considerate comment. Your words truly touch my heart. I don’t take them lightly, when they’re coming from a woman with beautifully poetic talent. I truly admire your art and appreciate your support!
      Adelie

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  13. Aidlie, we all write for different reasons and it makes me tearful what you went through to understand and find your talent and voice. You’re a great girl who’s words are emotive and beautiful. I hope another crisis never happens for you ever again; just know that you jumped back up and good came out from it. You have a special gift so you just keep on nurturing that. Much love, okay ❤

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    • Thank you, Victoria, for the wonderful support and uplifting words. I greatly admire your talent and artful articulation, so your praise is highly valued! Thank you so very much for reading and commenting, and I send my love back to you! ❤

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  16. Don’t let a fear of rejection stop you from anything; the worse that will happen is they say, “no, thank you.” and you still have your amazing book – it just wasn’t the right time. Everything always finds it’s place – just like you found your place here in the blogging world. Your book will find it’s place. There’s someone probably waiting on something in their life to happen so your book can land in their hand at just the right time.

    I also totally agree – forget the self help books – just search how you’re feeling in the tags on WordPress……you’ll find someone who feels the same way.

    I heart your blog & look forward to the books. 🙂

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    • Oh you’re absolutely too kind. I greatly appreciate that you believe in me, and you have such an interesting perspective. Your support and encouragement mean the world to me, and I’m very excited to read your book(s)<- I'm sure once you get going, you won't be able to stop! I wish I could write more, but I'm in this odd funk in which I can't articulate my feelings very clearly. Please forgive! 🙂

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