Asylum

 

Get back here, Anna!”

 

I run even faster, stumbling every few steps on my mangled foot.

 

When Jeremy brought me to the condemned insane asylum, I thought the only one thirsting for my blood might be a vengeful spirit.

Not him.

 

A side hallway.

 

Praying it’s an exit to this horrid labyrinth, I make a hasty turn, slamming into the wall.

 

His raspy panting and tormenting footsteps are drawing closer.

 

An oily puddle.

 

I slip.

 

He laughs in delight. His musty breath on my neck.

 

The end of the hall now.

 

My only exit.

 

 

A locked gate.

 

 

 

***This is my submission for this week’s Friday Fictioneers. Only 97 words this time, which is a significant improvement from my word count last week! Please take a look at the other posts from fellow writers! Thanks for reading!

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29 thoughts on “Asylum

  1. I love how you used dichotomy here with the line, “He laughs in delight.” Paradox and contrasting inappropriate happy emotions with scary events (Clockwork Orange did it with “Singing in the Rain” song) always gives the reader a potent hit of WOW. Excellent submission!

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    • Thank you so very much for the thoughtful comment! I’ve never seen or read Clockwork Orange, though it’s been on my to-do list for about 12 years now! I felt like the setting of the story, as well as him laughing and thirsting for her blood were descriptive but also open to different interpretations. I wanted to allow the reader to decide exactly what Jeremy was and why he was doing it. 🙂 Thanks again for your support!

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    • Well hello, Janet! Thanks for much for reading and commenting. I think I’ll have to drink some tea now, since you said so! My little ducky infuser should diffuse the tension from writing this terrifying story. 🙂 Thanks, again!

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  2. Excellent! Good movement, and keeps the reader guessing… does he want to do her harm, or not? Reminds me of several scenes from Supernatural where we’re drawn to believe one thing, only to have another one happen. Loved it. :>

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    • Thanks for reading and for the thought-provoking comment. Well, I left out the specific details of Jeremy so they were open to interpretation from the readers. I don’t want to cloud your imagination with my perspective. However, if I were hinting at something, I might say that Jeremy lured Ana there for a reason…perhaps he’s not exactly who/what she thinks he is…maybe the mention of vengeful spirits or thirsting for blood has something to do with it?!
      I decided to follow the example of Alfred Hitchcock and let my readers’ imaginations fill the gaps. 🙂 Thanks, again!

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    • Thank you so much for reading and for the very thoughtful comment. I’m was worried I’d either be too descriptive and lose the intensity of the scene, or I’d have too active of a voice, thus impairing my ability to effectively set the scene. I don’t know if I’m effectively articulating my thoughts, but regardless, I’m glad to hear that I’ve seemed to strike a middle ground. I’m just becoming acquainted with your writing, and I sincerely value your input.

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