Preservation

copyright – Adam Ickes

In pursuit of further developing my skills as a writer, I’ve decided to participate in a lovely Friday Fictioneers prompt, hosted by the wonderful Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. The process of cutting a single story down to 100 words (or 105, in my case) was certainly a challenge, being that I tend to over-explain things. The key to these prompts is to make every word count. On that note, here is how the prompt manifested in my thoughts.

***

It’s time you give back.”

Her words ring in my mind, as I hammer my finger into the wood. You’d think after three weeks of clearing a river, forging trails, and constructing this godforsaken bridge, I would’ve achieved catharsis by this point.

Securing the last nail in the railing, all I’ve got to show are swollen fingers and sunburned skin.

Absolutely magnificent,” my team leader rejoices, prancing through the nature preserve.

Pocketing the remaining nails, I head toward the woods. A breeze begs me to turn around.

No one will ever know it took my mom’s last breath for me to create something so beautiful.

***

Well, this was my first shot at Friday Fictioneers. I encourage anyone who hasn’t participated at least once to give it a whirl.  For more inspiration, take a look at the other contributions. Thanks for reading!

Sincerely Grateful,

Adelie

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35 thoughts on “Preservation

  1. I’ve never dabbled in Fiction – but it intrigues me; someday I’d like to give it a whirl! I love how your piece wraps from the first sentence to the last – they go hand and hand and makes your vision very clear. Your description makes the 105 words seem like much more! Good work!

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    • Thank you so very much for your kindness. Sometimes I have trouble summoning my fictitious side, but it seems less daunting when I know I have to keep it under 100 words. Given how intriguing your personal posts are I’m absolutely certain your fiction would be outstanding. Last night, I was telling my husband about a few of your posts and mentioned, “This girl should totally write a book.” So keep that in mind 🙂

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  2. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers, Adelie. I’m glad your narrator took mom’s advice. Sounds as though this will/could be one of those life-changing moments. The team leader prancing through the preserve gave me pause, I must admit, but hey, some people do prance. 🙂 Good job and I look forward to reading more of your stories as the weeks go on.

    janet

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  3. Welcome to the fun, Adelie. I hope you find it useful, I’m certainly looking forward to reading more of your stories. I like how you save the significance of the opening line for the closing line – it gives the piece a rounded quality.
    If you want to lose those bonus 5 words (and you might not care), can I suggest taking the of from “three weeks of clearing” and “by this point” from the end of that sentence. Then maybe “The Reserve” instead of “the nature preserve”, or you could even name it, something like “Cedarwoods Reserve” and save yourself a word there too. Don’t worry though, the word count comes with practice, and only if you’re like me and like to get it right on the nose!

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    • Thank you so much for stopping by and the helpful suggestions. As I stated, I tend to over-explain, and I struggle sometimes with finding descriptive alternatives, so your insight is extremely valuable. I truly appreciate your suggestions and support!

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  4. Really liked this, especially the ‘prancing’ team leader. Sometimes you can construct a whole personality with just one word and this one does it, beautifully. I think I might have said “it’s time you gave back” rather than “it’s time you give back”, but although I’ve googled it, I can’t find anything to support why I think that.

    Welcome to FF, looking forward to reading more of your work in the weeks to come.

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    • Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughtful input. It’s funny because I originally wrote “gave,” instead of “give,” but somehow they had totally different meanings in my head. I imagined that when the mother said,” It’s time you gave back,” it somehow indicated that she was condemning her daughter, implying that perhaps she had been selfish in the past. I didn’t want that particular dynamic between them in this piece.My intention was to have the mother offering one last suggestion before she passed, not only as a method for her daughter to cope but to live a more meaningful life. It sounds silly, but to me, the alteration of a single letter changed the backstory between the mother and daughter. Thank you very much for your comment!

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  5. Dear Adelie,

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. You might find, as many of us have, that once you start it’s hard to stop.
    Sweet story. Sounds like your MC has built s loving tribute to his/her mother. Wonderfully crafted. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    • I can’t express how grateful I am that you read my piece and gave me such uplifting support. I sincerely admire your work as a writer and the gift you give to others through Friday Fictioneers by allowing us to develop our skills and connect with one another. Thank you so much for your hard work and for providing such great inspiration!

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    • I am so grateful for your visit to my blog and your reflective comment. My intention was for subtle symbolism, a bridge to the future/ transitioning from grief to hope. Your gracious welcome and encouraging words mean the world to me!

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  6. What a lovely way to give back and a great tribute to the mother too-double bonanza:-)Loved how you used the “building of a bridge” to mean something so profound.Well written and welcome to the fold Adelie 🙂

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    • Hello, Nan! Thanks for stopping by and for the wonderfully warm welcome. My first post for Friday Fictioneers was a mix of challenge and intrigue. I love it all though because I feel it sharpens my writing skills and connects me to such talented and supportive people. I very much enjoyed your piece on the “Red Woof In!” Thanks again! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for the welcome. Though it is belated, it is still appreciated! I can’t believe how many wonderful submissions there are to FF either. I just wish I could take a day to read them all!

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