Some might say I have trouble committing. I can see why they’re drawing these conclusions…
I buy a book from the store, and lose interest only a couple of chapters from the end. Months later, I’ll regain interest, but I can’t simply pick up where I left off. I would have to read it from the beginning, and well, who has that kind of time?
I learn a new recipe and buy the required ingredients, plus a few extra to garnish. When I return home, I’m either too tired to cook or I have a different craving. The ingredients go unused. Veggies shrivel and rot in my fridge. I’ve thrown out an absurd amount of zucchinis.
I wake up on a Saturday with the intention to make it memorable. After planning my morning yoga, healthy lunch, afternoon jog, and evening writing session, I notice the need to take a step back…to the couch. Several hours later, I’ve knocked out nearly two seasons of a series on Netflix. If I really dedicate myself over the next week, maybe I’ll have watched all of the episodes.
…So yes, maybe I do have commitment issues. Though, it’s truly not that simple. These are merely symptoms of a deeper issue. The true problem is my undying commitment to something greater.
And that would be my purpose.
My heart knows what I must do. My brain knows it too. However, there’s something the two of them haven’t agreed upon.
And that would be if living from my soul is worth the risk.
Until a decision has been made, they allow me to dream and prepare. Though, they won’t let me finish a damn thing until they agree whether or not it’s worth the commitment.
I truly hope they’ll come to an understanding one of these days.
Until then, I think I’m going to train for a marathon.