Commitment Issues


Some might say I have trouble committing. I can see why they’re drawing these conclusions…

I buy a book from the store, and lose interest only a couple of chapters from the end. Months later, I’ll regain interest, but I can’t simply pick up where I left off. I would have to read it from the beginning, and well, who has that kind of time?

I learn a new recipe and buy the required ingredients, plus a few extra to garnish. When I return home, I’m either too tired to cook or I have a different craving. The ingredients go unused. Veggies shrivel and rot in my fridge. I’ve thrown out an absurd amount of zucchinis.

I wake up on a Saturday with the intention to make it memorable. After planning my morning yoga, healthy lunch, afternoon jog, and evening writing session, I notice the need to take a step back…to the couch. Several hours later, I’ve knocked out nearly two seasons of a series on Netflix. If I really dedicate myself over the next week, maybe I’ll have watched all of the episodes.

…So yes, maybe I do have commitment issues. Though, it’s truly not that simple. These are merely symptoms of a deeper issue. The true problem is my undying commitment to something greater.

And that would be my purpose.

My heart knows what I must do. My brain knows it too. However, there’s something the two of them haven’t agreed upon.

And that would be if living from my soul is worth the risk.

Until a decision has been made, they allow me to dream and prepare. Though, they won’t let me finish a damn thing until they agree whether or not it’s worth the commitment.

I truly hope they’ll come to an understanding one of these days.

Until then, I think I’m going to train for a marathon.

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17 thoughts on “Commitment Issues

  1. Lady…You’re speaking my language! I feel like we just became best friends reading that. (Not creepy…). I have a plethora of unfinished books, recipes I had fabulous intentions of consuming & I’ve certainly been known to plow through a season (or two) when I’m least expecting it. I’ve never considered my issue being a result of me finding my purpose – but it makes perfect sense. Thank you for the eye opener.

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    • Thank you so much for your support and kind words! It’s nice knowing I’m not alone here:)
      And never worry about creeping me out- it’s pretty hard to do unless you’re a knife enthusiast or Dolly Parton impersonator.
      I actually intended on writing a piece of fiction today, but somehow, nothing but the truth came out here. Ah, well maybe next time!
      I am profoundly grateful for your support, and I am a huge fan. Though, I don’t think my boss was too thrilled that I was literally laughing out loud while reading your posts today. If he didn’t think I was crazy before, that certainly did the trick 🙂

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      • Haha! I hear ya! My boss is not super stoked about my new hobby. It does feel nice to not feel alone out here in blogging world, doesn’t it? Especially as a new blogger (I honestly have no idea what I’m doing). I appreciate your kind words as well! It’s so lovely to hear – makes it feel like I’m doing something right. I’m a fan of yours as well!

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  2. hahaha I had fun reading it..I’ve been there so many times…I can’t tell u what to do…but I’ll tell you what I did…after the same battle I chose to go with the brain..logic seemed much better…but then I was lost…nothing I did had any passion…so then I felt back into the same battle and then the Heart won. Bad times those too, cause I got my heart broken so much that I still don’t know if I still have a heart. So I’ve decided to go with both instead….hard…difficult..but better..the results are still loading :)) Hugs!

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    • Thanks for your thoughtful input and suggestions. In my opinion, life isn’t worth living if you don’t live it with passion and make yourself vulnerable. Yet, I still guard myself most of the time. I’m sorry to hear your heart has been broken so much. I could offer some quotes I’ve found especially comforting, but I’m sure you’ve heard them all. If it makes a difference, I believe the fact that you’re writing, especially so beautifully, is evidence that you do indeed still have a heart. Thank you so much for your support!

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  3. I totally get it. Of late, I’ve mentally committed and have organized to complete projects but darn if I’ve dedicated the time. It’s frustrating. Progress is slow. Today, I’ve committed to completing small tasks and eventually, organizing. Have to start somewhere.

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    • Thanks for reading and for the thoughtful comment. I think you’re definitely on to something, regarding breaking things up into smaller tasks. Sometimes, the momentum from accomplishing smaller things can help us tackle the larger ones. Also, tracking your accomplishments, no matter how small, can really help with motivation, I’ve found. I know this is somewhat ironic, but I saw an inspiring video (via Netflix, of course) of a TED Talk in which the speaker had a debilitating illness (I sincerely wish I could remember her name or illness). Basically, she was bedridden and wanted to give up on life, but instead, she made life a “game.” She created little tasks (brushing teeth, showering, writing a letter, etc.) and assigned each task points, depending on how challenging they might be. Ultimately, she could redeem those points for an actual reward. I tried the same method and found it to be quite motivating. Let me know if you would like more information on this. I’m attempting to be brief here 🙂 Thanks again, and I wish you the best of luck!

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  4. Well at least you seem quite committed when watching netflix 🙂
    I am at that same commitment level
    I really have no advice just to say all humans are the same. We dream and then dream again.
    Why in my own life…
    Well I was going to write a long personal story but I realize I need to go get something done. I’ll just have to one day come back and write some more … 🙂

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    • Hmm, regarding Netflix, I don’t know if I would classify that as “commitment.” I think our relationship is more along the lines of obsession, dependency, and procrastination. 😛
      It’s comforting to know I’m not alone here. I truly appreciate your reading and comment. And whenever you get around to writing that long personal story, I’ll be your first reader…
      That is, assuming, I’m not still in the process of watching all 9 seasons of “Supernatural”! 😀

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  5. Wow, it’s amazing how we all procrastinate so much!
    I really liked the fact that you admitted it, I wrote about this not long ago you can read it here http://bit.ly/1ia9VKw and I gave advice to everyone as if I was the guy who always keeps up with duties, and I’m not at all. I guess we al love staying on the couch instead of doing whatever is we have to do. I have been fighting myself for not being lazy for the last five or six years and I think I improved a little in some areas, but isn’t it just great to have a lazy week?

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    • Thank you so much for reading, Paco! I’ve found that sometimes procrastination comes more from insecurity and fear than simply being lazy. Though, it’s nice to be lazy every once in a while. I appreciate the link to your related content. I’ll be sure to check that out!

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